Do you ever wonder what if? What if you had made one decision differently? How would your life change?
Maybe you would be a rock star right now. Or maybe you would be a millionaire. Maybe not, but you never know.
The possibilities of “What If” are endless. Everything in this moment IS the way it IS because of tiny small decisions…Whoa, deep thoughts for a Thursday, I know.
Cinco-De-Mayo in 2009 was most likely the night my surprise daughter came about. Drenched in Tequila after a day’s worth of drinking, Boy Ryan and I would have never guessed our little Mexican celebration dance would result in a series of events that would become our life.
Tequila+ Stupidity=Children
I often wonder, “What if my daughter was never born?” Not in like a bad way, actually sometimes, when she throws tantrums, but most of the time as just a thought. What would my life be like If I didn’t have children? Would it be better? Would it be worse? My life would probably be a lot easier and I’d be way cooler.
Who am I kidding, my life would be awesome. There are so many perks to being a child-less person…
1. I would never have to share the T.V…
instead, I have to watch this shit
What the F#$% is this anyway?
2. I could sleep off all my hangovers…
Instead, I have to wake-up to this:
3. I wouldn’t be so lame…
Instead, I get excited about…
7pm…
PARTY TIME….
4. I would never have to answer to the name, “Mommy”…
Instead, I have to hear it over and over and over again
5. I would have real hobbies…
Instead, my hobbies are Barbies and dress-up
Ariel and Eric’s Wedding…3rd time this week
I’m always cast as Mary Poppins…not bad eh?
6. My biggest worry would be my social calendar…
Instead, I worry about well balanced dinners
This is healthy right?
7. My goals would be more adventurous:
1. Travel the world
2. Hike Mt. Vesuvius
3. Wear a bathing suit thong in public
Instead, my goals are totally unrealistic:
1. Stay up past 11pm on a Friday night
2. Teach my kid to wipe her own ass, correctly
3. Have a clean house for a week
8. My house wouldn’t be such a disaster…
Instead, I brace myself when cleaning.
Styrofoam underneath pillows
Dirty underwear in my bed.
I asked my kid why she didn’t put her dirty underwear in the laundry bin. She replied, “This is dad’s underwear.”
Note to self: If my husband is wearing Cinderella underwear in size 4T, I may have to re-evaluate the marriage.
SURPRISE! Can you tell what this is? No, let’s take a closer look…
Yep…That is a band-aid. Specifically, a used band-aid
9. I would sleep all night, every night…
Instead, I wake up to nasty feet in my face
10. Nobody would publicly embarrass me…
Instead when I have a visible booger in my nose, everybody hears about it
I know, poor me, my life is such a fail, I could have had such a beautiful life…
Damn Cinco-De-Mayo and all it’s devilish temptations.
But when I get down about my perfect, child-free, non-existent life, I come home and see this face.
What a mug!
For whatever reason I just can’t help but think…Thank gosh for Tequila and shitty birth control!
That Girl Ryan 