We Are The Stick People

4 Apr

This is an original drawing

I never understood the stick family phenomenon.

You know, those stupid family conglomerates stuck on the back of minivans?

I live in a typical suburbia environment where minivans rule the road. I know I’m getting close to home when I start to see the plethora of stick people dance across my line of vision.

The population of my town has been reduced to stick figures and no one seems to care.

This might sound crazy but I think there is a competition going on with this stick family obsession.

The more stick people that populate your back windshield the better! Let the stick kid breeding competition begin!


I frequently ask myself, where did this begin?

I think I also found the answer:

America Loves Stickers


I saw a van the other day that had 9 stick kids.

Yes, 9.

Why would you want to tell people you have 9 children? When I see you have 9 children, it makes me want to drive up next to you and scream, “Stop breeding stick people”.

Plus, if you drive a minivan I already assumed you have a mass litter of kids.

The irony of the whole thing was that this particular minivan had an additional bumper sticker that read,

Proud supporter of my neighborhood watch program

Well,  you’re not doing the neighborhood watch any favors by inviting every single child molester in the area to follow you home. Basically your family decal is  putting your litter of stick kids in danger. While you think it’s cute to have stickers on the back windshield, to a pedophile you are saying, “Hey, we have kids! And lots to spare! Come by and join the fun!”

The sticks have gone to your brain.

If I were to post my family stick status, I would have a mommy stick, daddy stick and baby stick. I would also include two doggie sticks, one cat stick and one rabbit stick.

People would officially know that I am an animal hoarder. This is why I am not a stick fanatic.

The only benefit to this stick family obsession is that it can be a great source of gossip for the rest of us…and who doesn’t love a little gossip?

Just last week, I found out that my daughter’s classmate has TWO dads.


I saw this:


Dad-to-Dad Parenting

And then I noticed a change in my neighbor’s stick family situation.

She added an additional stick child (she is expecting) and removed her stick husband (they are getting a divorce).

The big X just gave it away.


You can learn a lot when you pay attention.

Shockingly, this trend has caught on in non-suburban cities like Newark too!

Typically in these parts of town, I expect to see death decals:


Debbie Downer Stickers

Debbie Downer Stickers

However I was presently surprised to see this:



Hard Core Jail Time

Baby mama has custody of the kids while baby daddy does jail time…O, and they have a dog.

Honest, entertaining and to the point.

I love it.

But the fun doesn’t end there, I am starting to see some really creative stick family decals that I think are worth mentioning…

Everyone has a little family dysfunction


Dysfunction at it’s finest

Why be stick people when you could be a family of tight-ass chickens?


Even the Single-Cat Lady wanted to partake in the fun!

Any takers?


Proud and Loud Mormons


And finally, what’s a family without a little passive-aggressiveness?


Those damn hoes wreck everything

I will never understand the point of this trend.

Maybe it’s along the lines of putting reindeer antlers on cars at Christmas time. Or maybe it’s a deep seeded need for humans to feel validated by the use of stickers; anyone remember Kindergarten Star Charts?

No, that’s not a memory we would like to re-visit, I agree.

So many sticks, so little time…




Janine's Confessions of A Mommyaholic

26 Responses to “We Are The Stick People”

  1. Janine Huldie April 4, 2014 at 12:04 pm #

    This is why I don’t own a minivan and refuse to! Seriously, though never understood the stick family phenomenon here either, but some of your graphics illustrating your point are just hilarious. Thanks for starting my Friday off on the right foot this morning. I seriously can’t stop laughing at all of them, especially the pole dancer one 🙂

    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 12:55 pm #

      I know right?! What is with the stick family? Lol yes the pole one is a classic. Thanks for checking it out.

  2. TheShitShowThatIsMyLife April 4, 2014 at 1:28 pm #

    Ah this is funny. I drive my moms mini van anddddd now I sound 16 and not 22 and sad. Either way I don’t have kids but me and my cat could go on there…
    Have you seen the dinosaur ones that are eating stick people? Or the zombie family?
    Nothing beats the guy behind bars. I’m going to get one of those and write “I’m just driving this until he gets out”

    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 1:37 pm #

      LOL I think putting you and your cat would be awesome. The cat lady picture is one of my favorites because she is almost mocking the whole trend lol.

      Yes, the zombie one is great too. There is also one with a guy holding up the middle fingers saying, I don’t give a fuck about your stick family. LOL

      • TheShitShowThatIsMyLife April 4, 2014 at 2:04 pm #

        Lol well people underestimate how awesome multiple cats are. It’s a shame that got a stigma. Kitties for everyone!

        Lol honestly I’m just glad you see less Jesus fish

      • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 2:05 pm #

        Hahaha that’s such a good point…the Jesus fish were a real downer. Lol

      • TheShitShowThatIsMyLife April 4, 2014 at 2:16 pm #

        I thought you wrote “drowner” and I nearly died from the world’s best pun. Either way, hilarious.

      • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

        Ah dammit! That would have been awesome. Drowner, so simple 🙂

  3. donofalltrades April 4, 2014 at 1:33 pm #

    Oh Girl Ryan, thanks for the chuckle this morning! The incarcerated dad is probably my favorite, of course. Too funny. Your standup confidence has leaked into your writing, I think. This really is funny.

    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 1:39 pm #

      This is the nicest thing you have ever said to me. 🙂 I’ll be smiling from ear to ear all day. I will probably be copying and pasting this compliment onto the back of my car windshield for everyone to see.

      I knew you would like the jailed daddy.

  4. Katia April 4, 2014 at 2:30 pm #

    That was awesome! I never got the stick family thing either, but then again I’ve never seen them in such abundance to make me really stop and scratch my head and go “WTF?”. Your post was enlightening. I now know enough about stick families to join you in your dismay. The interesting thing about my own hypothetical stick family is that I envision it spread all around the car and showing one toddler trying to climb out of the window, one preschooler with crazy wind-blown car hair and lots of floorios.

    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

      Hahaha see I think people should be honest about their stick families. It would be so entertaining to see stick people all over the windshield acting as themselves.
      I’ve spent way too much time staring at boring stick families and have lost my mind over it.

  5. hashtagheartsblog April 4, 2014 at 2:53 pm #

    Love it! I always hate those things! It’s about time someone pointed out the chaos that is the stick people! They are even worse than political stickers or stickers supporting one of the thousand causes! Soon the stick person porn will come out…then we are all in danger!

    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 3:09 pm #

      stick porn is out…google searches have shown it to me.
      It’s a guy doggie-styling his wife and it says, “Making my family”

    • donofalltrades April 11, 2014 at 2:22 pm #

      Hahahahaha, stick porn!! What?

  6. ruchira April 4, 2014 at 4:01 pm #

    haha…this is hilarious but I agree with you.
    Dunno what goes on in their heads to paste such pix. You sure did a good research on these stick people cause I loved seeing so many ways that people tend to exhibit it.


    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

      Who knows, I’m assuming it’s a warped version of a perfect family…unless of course your the person sharing entertaining stick pics. Lol thanks for stopping by 🙂

  7. dribblesngrits April 4, 2014 at 4:51 pm #

    I have an NRA sticker on my Escape. I figure that gets the point across. I don’t carry a gun. But someone acknowledging my vehicle will assume I am.

    • rynolexson April 4, 2014 at 5:07 pm #

      Now that is smart! I might steal that from you…never have to worry again 🙂

  8. findingninee April 5, 2014 at 1:02 am #

    OMG I almost almost almost want to buy a minivan because I could have my husband’s daughter doing the pole dance. For REALZ. HAHAH. But yeah, no thanks. I always think of the Dexter episode when dude knows the kids’ names because they’re written under the stick people on the mini van. I think it’s best to just stay away from vans. And stick people. Awesome post as always, Girl Ryan and LOVE the new header! If I missed it for weeks and weeks, blame Don or something else besides me okay?

    • rynolexson April 7, 2014 at 1:27 pm #

      YES! Dexter-that was a great example of why you shouldn’t place your kids names on your car!

      Thanks for the compliments on the header. That was done by an intern at my work and surprisingly took me 3 weeks to think of…simple yet so complicated hahaha.

  9. bensbitterblog April 5, 2014 at 9:55 pm #

    Many thoughts came to mind when reading this. Should they rename these things the prick people? Isn’t the minivan sign enough that you have enough kids? Does having those things on your van lower the resale of the van? Oh, and also no one cares about your whiny brats.

    prick people

    • rynolexson April 7, 2014 at 1:25 pm #

      Prick people….love it. I think you should coin that phrase and make it a thing. Imagine if it was a trending hashtag on twitter or something…the possibilities are endless.

      • bensbitterblog April 11, 2014 at 2:08 am #

        I can’t imagine being responsible for anything that trends on twitter. Unless Bitter all of a sudden becomes a thing. But I would have to be a stand up comedian or celebrity to make anything like that happen.

  10. Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine? April 7, 2014 at 11:37 am #

    Haha! I don’t get them either. I do like the mocking ones though. I tweeted a few I’ve been behind. One was of the “The Ass Family” and it showed a family with guns and knives. Another one I was behind had 19 kids on the back window, like they were the Duggars or something, but the car was only a five-seater. I didn’t get that at all.

    • rynolexson April 7, 2014 at 1:24 pm #

      The ass family! That is great. I think i might get that one if i were to get one at all.
      The Duggars are up to like 21 now…not that i keep track or anything but…enough is enough.

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