FYI: I Didn’t Die

14 Mar

Hello? Is anyone still out there?

It’s me, That Girl Ryan.

I wanted to check in and let you know that I did not die or lose my hands, I just abandoned my blog for 3 weeks.

Terrible, I know but I did upload my NEW blog logo!!! Don’t you love it?!

My unrealistic expectations took me in a different direction once again to…Stand-UP Comedy Class.

Making an asshole of myself online wasn’t enough, I needed to get on stage and do it in person.  Let me tell you, it’s harder than it looks.

20140314-160959.jpg

20140314-161217.jpgLook at me trying to be cool

Next week is my official “graduation show” where I get to do my whole bit in front of a real audience – trashy New Jersey locals – but still, even trashy NJ locals can be an intimidating bunch.

I wanted to share some things I discovered about the world of comedy…

1. Male comedians are perverts/horn dogs…can’t help but love them

I won’t go into detail but I will say this…

Ladies, if you are single and want to date a male comedian, take my advice and do not shave, do not wax the “area”. There is a group of men out there who will fully appreciate you as a woman in her natural state; pubes and all.

I haven’t seen anything quite like it…

2. The uglier and older you are, the more you get away with…it’s not fair

This is the first time in my life I wish I was born fat, ugly and funny because then I’d get away with saying anything…like newborns are ugly and look like old men. For some reason, that line just doesn’t have the same effect as if an older, grey haired, overweight lady said it.

Ugh.

3. It’s hard to write comedy material

I spent the last three days thinking up different ways I could explain the benefits of being a Tranny

I missed a meeting at work because I was practicing my voice impression for Steve Urkel

I spent 45 minutes searching all the synonymous for VAGINA

WTF has my life become?

4. You become a narcissistic

I’m ready to bitch slap myself

5. You are not as funny as you think you are

Like that time I went to an open mic and nobody laughed at my jokes…Most awkward 5 minutes of my life.

6. Stage fright gets re-defined

Flight or Fight has become…Flight, Fight and piss your pants

Wish Me Luck this week…I will return back to my blog soon!

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10 Responses to “FYI: I Didn’t Die”

  1. Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine? March 14, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

    That is SO cool! I could never do that. I’m terrified of the stage. Maybe if i was part of a duo i could do it. otherwise, I’m cool with right here behind my computer. Are you going to tape your show and share it with us??

    • rynolexson March 14, 2014 at 8:49 pm #

      OMG you could totally do it! Trust me I’m a big puss when it comes to stages and I am doing it. Yes I’ll put it up on display…if it’s decent. It’s a pretty curse filled, dirty set but I’m excited for it hahha

  2. donofalltrades March 14, 2014 at 9:12 pm #

    I hadn’t realized you were away, ma’am! The new logo thing threw me off for a second. I didn’t know where I was. I’m looking forward to watching this final product of yours. I bet it’s hilarious. Even if it totally sucks ass, you should be proud of yourself for trying! I promise not to call you a total looser!!

    Lol, I spelled looser wrong for you so that it’d look right, if that makes sense.

    • rynolexson March 14, 2014 at 9:51 pm #

      Hahha surprisingly I did catch it. Thanks for the slight English lesson. If this shit sucks I’m totally blaming you. Half of it is your ideas.

      • donofalltrades March 14, 2014 at 10:52 pm #

        Lol. Well it’s all in the delivery. Don’t fuck it up.

  3. Renee March 14, 2014 at 9:33 pm #

    What are the chances you can record this so we can see too, I mean if your gonna make a fool we might as well all see it right. Heres the point. Your not going to make a fool of yourself. Your going to be awesome. Jerseyians are lucky to have you and I dont want to miss the first act! Break a leg out there! Repeat after me until your standing at the mike. This is the coolest shit on earth I am going to rock this stage!

    • rynolexson March 14, 2014 at 9:49 pm #

      You are so sweet! Thank you. It will be taped and of course I will be sharing it, any attention is good attention right ?! Lol

  4. bensbitterblog March 16, 2014 at 4:44 am #

    Holy crap! You dare abandon the blog just so you can take a comedy class? Great decision. I would have abandoned mine in a New Jersey minute.

    • rynolexson March 16, 2014 at 11:04 pm #

      Never fear, I will be back. It’s a temporarily lapse in my attention. I have many bitter Friday GIFs to catch up on…

      • bensbitterblog March 17, 2014 at 4:33 am #

        I’m afraid you didn’t miss much. It was just a bunch of bitterness. Too bad you can’t use gifs in your stand up. I’d be there for that.

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