10 Distractions in Female Fashion

21 Jan

935984_2162148736849_1302374078_nAfter working in retail all throughout college I can say I have observed some serious fashion distractions, ranging from the peek a boo thong sitings to the dumpy white Reeboks. If you got that instant paranoid feeling, then I’m glad I got your attention. Keep in mind I am a woman of mistakes as well and there were times when I was guilty of some of these fashion distractions but I realized that 90% of the female population is guilty of committing terrible fashion crimes. So I decided to create a list of 10 things that Distract me in Women’s fashion. I promise I will not think less of you if you are guilty of one or more of these on my list that is, ONLY if you have intentions of fixing these distractions. Shall we begin…..

1. The See Through Legging

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LADIES THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I know that you can’t see your butt entirely but do yourself a favor and bend over in front of a mirror. A little bend could go a long way. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve seen some bottom of the drawer underwear because you did not bend and check before you left the house.

2. Over used UGG boots

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WHY WHY WHY!!!! Do you see how stupid you look? I have seriously lost track of how many women I see walking around with uneven over used Uggs boots. I know they are expensive but guess what, that’s why knock offs were invented. I promise you I can hardly tell they are not the real deal. Please retire your Uglies immediately!

3. Holey Socks

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For the record, I want you to know I nearly dry heaved while trying to find a picture of this. I’m not quite sure why but socks with holes just get to me. You’re probably wondering…well if my shoes are on….how can you see them? It’s when you take your shoes off and you enter my space, you are entering the NO-NO zone. Socks don’t cost much. Do me and the rest of the world a favor…get some new socks.

4. Pit Stains

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Now this is a sensitive subject because I’m pretty sure we are all guilty of the occasional Pit Stain every now and then. Trust me I am guilty of these on a daily basis. What kills me are the girls out there who don’t know when it’s time to retire the Pit Stained shirt. I promise, you will find a basic white tee again for less then $10 at HM.

5. Baby Deer Syndrome

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If you can’t walk in your shoes….guess what..that means you shouldn’t be wearing them. There is nothing worse then seeing a gorgeous girl who cannot walk in newly purchased Sam Edelman’s or better yet her obnoxiously high Christian Louboutin’s. If I wanted to see a baby deer I would watch Disney’s Bambi. I’m no expert in high heel walking but that’s why I keep it at 3-4 inches max.

6. Bra Back Fat

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I believe there are 2 types of Bra Back Fat…You’re either overweight or have no idea what bra size you are. If you are in category 2 of Bra Back Fat…we can all tell the difference between a 34C and a 32C. The smaller size ain’t doing you or the person behind you any favors, go get measured.  Trust me, bra back fat is not a good look.

7. Camel Toe

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Now if you expected this not to be on the list then you were terribly mistaken. Unfortunately, camel toes are still sweeping the female wardrobe nation 1 crotch at a time. The only fix to this is just stop wearing your pants so far up your vagina. If you’re not comfortable with your body then get mid-rise like I do. The beefcake in my life always makes fun of me for it…but guess what this homegirl doesn’t have a muffin top or a camel toe! If I helped eliminate 1 camel toe today then I did my job.

8. Sports Bra Gym Whore

??????????????????????????

I have one thing to say to this girl or any girl who dresses like this at the gym…PUT A TEE SHIRT ON AND PULL YOUR HAIR BACK YOU STUPID GYM WHORE! Even if I had a body like this girl in the picture-who by the way should add more weight to her squat-I wouldn’t dress like her. I dare you to put some clothes on and put a crease in that recently washed hair of yours. You will be surprised the type of positive attention you will receive.

9. Ripped Tights

Ripped Tights

AHHHHH!!!!!! I want to shove my hair in my mouth to calm myself down when I see this on the street. Who told you this was a good look!?! Please tell me! Because I would love to slap a bitch and then buy each and every one of you a new pair of tights! “I saw it in an Urban Outfitters catalog”…well, clearly you don’t pull it off well because now you just look like a homeless hooker.  Just be honest, you’re too lazy to buy new tights. God dammit, JUST BUY THEM!

10. Jewelry Hoarder

Too much jewelry

Is it really necessary to have 4 rings on 1 hand or better yet 20 bracelets on at all times. This reminds me of my emo days. Take note of my wrist in the picture below….

NOT A GOOD LOOK, PUBLICIST!!!

NOT A GOOD LOOK PUBLICIST!!!

Unless you are about to go into a girl fight there is no reason to wear this much jewelry on your body at one time. It just looks dumb. Keep it classy ladies…that’s all I got to say.

I hope I didn’t embarrass too many of you with this post or lose any friends…My goal is to help the female population by creating 1 less fashion distraction at a time. Plus, I can finally focus on what’s important, like squatting with my hair tied back.

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25 Responses to “10 Distractions in Female Fashion”

  1. donofalltrades January 21, 2014 at 2:25 pm #

    I’m a big fan of doing away with having to see back fat whenever possible, so nice job on that. That woman in the gym looks like she has chicken legs from not working them out because she spends all her gym time doing upper body work. The weight is probably about right for her.

    • dan1ye11 January 21, 2014 at 2:38 pm #

      Hahaha. You should have seen the rough draft of the gym whore post before Ryan told me to take it easy. I’m glad you can appreciate some of these distractions.

    • ardenrr January 22, 2014 at 1:25 am #

      Don, admit it, you need to work on your camel toe. This is a judgment free zone!

      • dan1ye11 January 22, 2014 at 2:19 am #

        It’s judgement free unless he refuses to make a change! haha

      • ardenrr January 22, 2014 at 2:20 am #

        Touché! Sorry Don. This is a camel toe free zone!

  2. theresawordwhore January 21, 2014 at 2:51 pm #

    i could watch that clip of the girl in heels for an hour… that ALWAYS kills me. always.

    • dan1ye11 January 21, 2014 at 7:38 pm #

      I’m so happy you agree! Thanks for the read!! 🙂

  3. Blogitudes January 21, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

    LOL! I love your list. Fashion NO-NOs are indeed very distracting … and in many cases, hysterical! 🙂

    • dan1ye11 January 22, 2014 at 1:45 am #

      Thank you! :). I just had so much built up anger about it, I just had to let it out. I’m thinking about doing fashion distractions for men soon!

  4. Teresa Kander January 21, 2014 at 5:25 pm #

    LOVE your ten…and totally agree with them!!!

  5. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons January 21, 2014 at 5:58 pm #

    Ha! I love your take on the list! I don’t think I have done any of them except maybe the back fat one. I totally agree about the high heels and the sports bras – those two really get under my skin! Thanks for linking up with Tuesday Ten!

    • dan1ye11 January 22, 2014 at 1:48 am #

      Thank you, Lisa! Baby deers are my favorite women to watch. haha.

  6. bensbitterblog January 21, 2014 at 6:30 pm #

    I actually like watching girls walk around like Bambi, but mostly because I like seeing others in pain. As far as holy socks, I don’t have a “hole” lot of socks, but when I do, I make sure they don’t have holes in them. My toes cringe when they feel a hole.

    And the pit stains? Putting those in a nice warm burning fire and buying a new $10 white shirt takes the stains right out.

    Perhaps you could do a post for dudes fashion?

    • dan1ye11 January 21, 2014 at 7:09 pm #

      Hahah. Watching girls walk around like bambi is very entertaining. Actually, I will take you up on that men’s fashion distractions! Thanks for reading and stay tuned!! 🙂

      • bensbitterblog January 21, 2014 at 8:51 pm #

        Just don’t write about all my bad fashion choices. Actually, you could probably just take a picture and just say don’t dress like this distracted schlub.

    • rynolexson January 21, 2014 at 8:59 pm #

      Holes in the socks are the worst, its like your toes slip into an unknown area floating in infinite space.

      • bensbitterblog January 21, 2014 at 9:36 pm #

        Or like you are paying good money to air condition your house after taking a wall down.

  7. mamarabia January 21, 2014 at 6:55 pm #

    OMG, I could watch that girl walking all day long!! That is hysterical!! I love the way you put a personal spin on this topic. And I totally agree on these fashion distractions. Please, people, just stop!! Thanks for linking up with #TuesdayTen!!

    • dan1ye11 January 22, 2014 at 1:53 am #

      THANK YOU! 🙂 I told a woman who commented above that watching women who suffer from Baby Deer Syndrome are my favorite to watch.

  8. Krissy P January 21, 2014 at 7:17 pm #

    Bwahaaa! You are hilarious dear. Can’t wait to read more from you. The baby deer thing. I will be laughing forever.

    • dan1ye11 January 22, 2014 at 1:55 am #

      THANK YOU, Krissy! :). Feel free to call those women out when you see them. They must be stopped!

  9. jesuswasaprimate January 21, 2014 at 10:31 pm #

    HILARIOUS! Love this!
    As I’m sitting here reading this, I’m wiggling my big toe around because the circulation is being cut off by the hole in my sock (I’ll forget they have a hole, throw them in the laundry and in a mad rush put them on next week before realizing there is a hole)
    I’ll have to admit, I love to wear leggings (NOT see through) & because I’m a woman the anatomy of a vagina leads to a little camel toe every now and then, but I do think I’ve found the right pantie/legging ratio to keep this to a minimum….. BUT I always feel very awkward when I see a woman in sweat pants with camel toe… How is that possible?!? Doesn’t that feel uncomfortable??

  10. jesuswasaprimate January 22, 2014 at 1:41 am #

    HILARIOUS! Love it! I regret to say: I do a few of these ….
    As I was reading this I was wiggling my big toe as the circulation was being cut off by the hole in my sock. It was super annoying last time I wore this pair, but somehow they made their way back into the drawer and as I hurriedly grabbed socks this morning, it found it’s way back on my foot.

    I LOVE wearing leggings (not see through, I always do the bend test). Since I have a vagina, sometimes avoiding camel toe while wearing leggings is near impossible. I think I have mastered the perfect pantie/legging combo but can’t guarantee I never have camel toe whilst wearing leggings. What I don’t understand is the camel toe while wearing sweat pants combo. How is that possible?!? Isn’t that extremely uncomfortable?!?! How high do people have those things pulled up ?!?!

    • dan1ye11 January 22, 2014 at 1:58 am #

      HAHAH. This comment is my favorite. May your leggings be see through free. I will let your occasional camel toe slide but as for those socks….THROW THEM AWAY RIGHT NOW!!!! ;).

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