Do you ever wonder why you choose to take pictures of certain things and people?
No? You have a life and don’t have time for stupid thoughts like this? Kudos to you.
I don’t, so I think about these things.
I rarely snap photos, I find it to be a hassle. So when I do take pictures, it had to be very important to me during that moment. Last night I desperately wanted to avoid doing anything that involved washing dishes, cooking dinner or reading “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” for the 100th time, so I hid in my computer room. I ended up going through 3 years worth of photos I had taken.
And this what I found….IPhoto Gems.
“Obama’s Booty Call”
Date: Fall 2008
Location: JMU Auditorium- 6:00am
Re-cap: During Obama’s first Presidential Campaign he visited JMU to give a speech. Me, being super liberal in college like all the cool liberal arts kids, decided to wait in line at 5:00am to get a front row seat to see Obama speak. I wanted to be so close that every time he said, “Yes, We Can” the spit from his mouth would drop on my head showering me in Obama holy water. Anyways, I snapped two pictures; one of Obama during his speech and the other of this:
If this is your ass, let me know so I can tag you.
Clearly it was worth the photo.
“The greatest bull riding coach ever”
Date: Summer 2012
Location: Atlantic City, Mechanical Bull Riding Pit
Recap: I was drunk in Atlantic City (surprise, surprise) and spotted this tiny man (4’9) walking around the casino. I decided to ask him to be my mechanical bull riding coach for the evening. He obliged and took a picture with me before my record-breaking bull ride of 39 seconds.
What a guy.
AKA: Pablo Balls.
“Faceless Bach”
Date: Summer 2010, night after Bull Riding Incident.
Scene: Atlantic City, bachelorette party
Re-cap: No clue. All that was left was this picture. Please note the little blonde gremlin on the bottom licking my leg.
Yes- we are still friends.
No- she does not have a leg-licking fetish.
“Photos of a Newborn”
Date: Spring 2010
Scene: My room in my parent’s house
Re-cap: Boy Ryan and I spent our Saturday nights taking pictures of our kid and found ways to distort her face.
I have about 30 photos of her as a newborn and over 100 photos of her as a newborn, with a distorted face.
I swear I am a decent mother.
“Marshmellow Girl”
“Alien Princess”
“Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong”
And eventually when the photos got boring, this happened:
She turned out to be a great kid.
“The Monster Face”
Date: Sometime in 2011
Scene: first apartment
Re-cap: Addison’s infamous Monster Face. When we discovered she could make THIS face, we bribed her with candy for months to do it for the camera.
This video is the product of 5 sweet tarts, 7 M&M’s and 3 Fun Size Snickers.
Parenting at it’s finest.
“Random Stranger”
Date: Summer 2013
Scene: A bar in New York City
Re-cap: Let me just state, I have a ton of pictures with random people I don’t recall ever meeting, but this one takes the cake.
Who is the random dude in this picture? Where did he come from? Is he human or alien?
Whatever, I’m just glad I snapped a picture of the strangest looking person I have ever seen.
Bitches Be Like, For Real?
“The Best Decision of My Life”
Date: Senior Prom 2007
Scene: Jersey Shore
Re-cap: When I turned 18 I decided to celebrate by piercing whatever body part I wanted. I chose my nose and took this picture to remind me of my newly gained independence. When I uploaded the picture to IPhoto, I named the photo album, “Best Decision of my life“. I hate the 18 year old version of me, what a douche bag.
Yes, I totally shared this
“Stoner Dog”
Date: Winter 2008
Scene: College apartment
Re-cap: Party at my place. A friend of my husband’s, then my boyfriend, was instantly infatuated with my dog, Joba. I believe he used the words, “Spiritually Connected” and asked to take Joba for a walk.
An hour later, he brought Joba back and Joba was a new dog. Joba was calm, quiet and peaceful for the first time since I brought him home. I snapped a picture to capture the rare behavior.
Little did I know until later that night that Joba was stoned off his ass.
This is a picture of my dog high as a kite while wearing a green sweater.
“Sasquatch Sightings”
Date: Spring 2009
Scene: Spring Break, Panama City
Re-cap: I nicked named this old man “Squatch”. “Squatch” would roam the beach everyday while we were on Spring Break. He was on a mission to score some booty with the College Female Spring-Breakers. He was so obvious and so awkward about his intentions, I captured his picture daily.
Hunting for college booty all day, everyday, since 1890.
Day two
Day three
Day four
I think I will go through my pictures more often now. A picture really is worth a 1,000 words.
Do your pictures have stories behind them?
That Girl Ryan 
Love it! Any post that has Old Black Betty playing in it is an instant classic! Have you ever seen that song with the dude on the bus?? Your daughter is a hoot!
That Obama photo is epic. I can’t believe you got that one of him.
I know! Like I said I made sure to get a good spot so I could capture a “too good to be true” picture like that.
I bet all your friends were jealous of your picture taking ability. I know mine get jealous of my bitter blurry pictures.
Yea, if you think those are good, just wait till you see my selfie picture taking abilities…it will blow your mind.
Ps I’m jealous of your bitterness in general, great stuff you have over there. I wish my bitterness could be as bitter as yours.
I can’t wait to see your next installment of photos. Mind was already blown.
I’m jealous that your blog is so much funnier than mine. And it is criminal that you aren’t getting more followers. I haven’t read any new good blogs for a while and yours is pretty dang funny. I was going to read more at work on Friday, but stupid work got in the way.
Ha yea I think my NJ status turns some people off, but who knows. I’ve considered paying more people to follow me or whoring myself out but I can’t decide which will bring more people in.
Thanks for the kind words though, made my day.
Oh you are from Jersey. I’m afraid I will have to go unfollow. 🙂 I’m kind of bummed I didn’t get in on the payment program. Is it too late to back and refollow?